For some time, my fear has been that my flame has burned out; that my creativity has taken a back seat to the chaos in my head. I truly do not want that to be the case and am trying to rekindle that flame.
When I look back at pictures over the past 16 months, I can tell exactly what my mood is by the shots I took. As I looked through picture after picture, I began to feel a sense of sadness that my inner turmoil was reflected in the lens and in the photographs I captured.
I want to reignite that creativity, that happiness, that joy. As someone who has- for years- always had her cameras with her– that I don’t have either of them with me. The fact that both have dead batteries and are buried on shelves speaks more words than I could ever write here. I have lost touch with that part of me that feels joy. That finds joy…
March is coming. And with it the dark day of my year. Generally March 3 is one of my very bad days. It is the anniversary of my Mother’s passing and a day I normally hide out and stay away from people. There have been exceptions- two years ago I had to attend a training in New Orleans for that week. Ugggh I never ever need to go to New Orleans again. While it is gorgeous and there are parts of the French Quarter I loved… I don’t get drunk and I don’t party and I can’t eat any of the food in that damn town…. so I don’t really ever need to go back….
But this March, I need to find myself again. I need to recommit to my life and my joys and my dreams. I need to recharge the camera batteries and recharge my own!
I need to look through my lens and find my goals… my dreams… my life.
I like button this post! Love ya cuz, can’t wait to see your photography!
Hey Rebs, as I read your post, specifically about your mom, a thought came to mind…instead of looking towards March 3rd with dread and that pain that comes with loss…take some time to do something your mother enjoyed doing…reflect on her goodness in some special kind of way. It will never be a “happy” day but you can ease your pain by making it a day to focus on her in a positive way. Whether that “something” is for you or for someone else. I am certain that you mother, who loved you so very much, would prefer you regard this day with less dread and more focus on life. Praying already that your day of reflection gets less and less painful for you.